The Bargaining Stage...?

I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm hurting so, so, so freakin' badly right now. I know you could never handle it when I was hurting. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. Every day is worse than the last--how is that possible? I thought I already lived the worst days of my life.

Every day that I can't talk to you, I want to rip my heart out. I. can't. take. this!

I don't even know who to talk to--I feel like people are thinking I should be getting better, this should be getting easier--but as our last conversation slips farther and farther away, the more I feel like I need to immerse myself in everything that you were. I'm stalking your friends. I've listened to your music practically exclusively. I'm talking about you or TO you at most times of the day. And when I'm not talking about you--like when I'm with those who are probably thinking I should be on the path to healing--all I'm doing is biting my tongue so that I DON'T talk about you.

Tell me what to do Dad--please--please--just tell me and I'll listen.
I love you. This is horrible. Please talk to me.
Ok? Ok, Ok Bye.