In Da Moooonnn....

Yesterday I told Will that Jackie was going to come and visit him this weekend. He smiled, nodded and said "Papa too!".  When I told him that you couldn't come, and I asked him if he remembered where you were, he said, "Yeah, mmm hmm, up in da mooonn! Up high! Reach! Reach! Uhh! Uhhh!".

I don't know how I'm going to handle this--seeing him see her--I know he'll be confused, wondering why you're not there.  I think I will be too.

Sometimes I still wonder how this can possibly be real--and when I'll wake up from this nightmare.

I wonder if this level of grief is normal from a daughter to a father.
I miss our talks so much.
I miss wondering how much brain damage I'm getting as the heat from my phone is burning my ear.
I miss your jokes and your laugh--I used to feel so proud of myself if I could make you laugh.
I miss how you'd say, "oh my god, that's hysterical"....
I even miss how you'd describe certain foods as the kind that made you have to poop "like....NOW".

How could we have lost such an original.
Your place in my life, and in my heart is so far beyond replaceable.
I continue to miss you and love you more than ever.
I love you. Ok. Ok, bye.