Being Thankfulish

Hi Dad,

I've been trying so hard to remember to be Thankful this weekend. The day was fine--we haven't done a Turkey Day together for awhile, so that part was fine. It was the beginning of the day and the end of the day....the drive to mom's and then home. It was that 5 minutes that I would have called you to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and you would have told me you'd be enjoying the day just as you liked it--by yourself with your NuWave oven turkey watching football in your underware. Go figure, the Pack pulled one off for you (not that you cared this year--and I haven't checked in on the Vikes).

I think some people are starting to worry about me. I spend my time with other people pretty much talking non-stop about you. I don't quite know how that seems odd to people--I always talk non-stop. Some people think I haven't accepted that you're gone. Maybe they're right. I'm not sure if I'll ever accept it. I'll live with it, but acceptance is probably decades away.

I know I'm having a hard time because I keep wanting to call or text you. I grab for the phone a lot before I remember....weird hey? I already have a few dozen stories I would have told you or questions I wanted to ask. I wanted to tell you about the Christmas presents I got for Will today, and how no one got trampled at Walmart. I wanted to tell you that how I found some Buggs stickers and an old cd (that you claimed you were all out of). I wanted to ask you if Teri got botox. I wanted to tell you that Luke and Jamis came to your funeral--how "duh" is that, that I wanted to tell you who came to your funeral. I wanted to tell you that I met Nuna's dad today, he was really nice and I wanted to ask you what Nuna does for a living (I'm guessing he's not in sales....) :) I wanted to tell you I'm going to get a tattoo, but if you were still here I probably wouldn't be getting it so telling you would be unnecessary

So I'm trying to be Thankful. For all the memories we shared and many years of fun and friendship. For the holidays you did spend with Will. For all the friends and family that are helping me through this--I know you're looking down on us and are grateful for them.

I feel like you've been spending your nights and mornings at Will's bedside...he's been sleeping so well and so LATE! I feel like you must be hushing him back to sleep when he starts flopping around at those ungodly hours and giving his mama a little more rest.

Teri Lynn asked me today if I've had any dreams where we're talking....I told her I haven't but I would love to. I'll be looking for a little afterhours heart-to-heart Dad. I'm listening--ok?

I'll talk to you soon. Time to stop this kid from watching ANOTHER episode of Calliou. Aren't you glad you got to experience that?? :) I love you so much, and missing you as much as ever.

I'll give the little man a big smooch for you.
Love you. Ok. Ok, bye.