Painting Your Picture

I've recently been able to talk about you in a whole new way Dad. I've been able to share you with people who never met you. This experience has been so healing for me, to be able to paint the picture of who you are, has been transforming.

Having somone be able to tell from my stories, and maybe a few pictures things about you that had been so obvious to those of us who had the blessing of you in our lives, has been amazing. To have someone, whose never met you, comment on your love for Will, or for me. On your talent. On your humor. On your tattoos. It's been amazing. I've never felt more proud.

With the pride comes waves of pain, but it's so different now. It comes with a rush of relief. That I was able to share you and get through it without a quivering voice or silent tears. But later, when I sit alone and wish we could talk about it, then I cry.

So much is different than the last time we spoke. So much has changed since the last time I laid my head on your shoulder knowing I could do no wrong in your eyes. My world has turned upside down and inside out. In some ways so amazing and exhilirating and in some so sad and scary that I'm sometimes grateful that you're not going through this pain with me--because I know you would.

I miss you every day. I think of you every day. I love you every day.
Thank you for making me the person that I am. Thank you for continuing to build me even still.
You're role in my life is constant, no matter your form.
I love you too. Ok. Ok, Bye.